Wednesday, November 3, 2010

The Isript

This is a very innovative software that all writers can use for the screenplays. It has features that makes writing fun and real.

Friday, December 25, 2009

The Season to be merry.

Hey everyoe! I can feel the excitement in the air. The fuel scarcity is causing a lot of frowns on people's faces but it is all good. We are all surivors, we will definitely get through this. What is happening around your area? The streets are so dry here that you wonder if there is actually a celebration going on. Well, i am here typing after a plate of rice and shredded chicken and i thought i should share fond thoughts with you for a happy day. May the blessings of the season abide with us all..merry Christmas and a wonderful year in advance.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

The Little Comedians

One day, I was teaching my elementary class and I could see the boredom on their faces. I asked them all to stand up.
Me: which is the biggest animal on earth?
A girl: it’s the elephant, Miss.
Me: very good, Rachael. What is the name given to those living on ice?
Another girl: I know that. They are the Eskimos.
Me: very good. Which is the largest continent?
A small boy: it’s the fish continent. The water continent is the largest. It
occupies most of the earth, right?
The class went wild.

DREAM WORLD
In a health class one day, the teacher asked each pupil what they do first when they wake up.
Tom: I say good morning to my dad and mum.
Sarah: I take Skimpy out for a leak.
Sandy: I check my homework if it’s in my bag.
The teacher: well, who ever went to brush his teeth first?
Tommy: why bother? I always wake up refreshed. Mum always make sure I have a clean
wash in my dreams so I do not always need another one.

The Funny Kids

A group of pupils were playing on the play ground when one decided to imitate the teacher.
Jerry: you wake up and see that you are already late for school? Deal with it!
You get to the bus stop and the school bus didn’t come. Deal with it!
One small boy stood at a corner and watched. The bay had always bullied him and he grabbed the opportunity t get back at him. He walked up to Jerry and pinched him hard.
Jerry: hey! That hurts!
Tom: deal with it! (He slapped Jerry then)
Jerry: cut it out!
Tom: deal with it! Deal with it, right? So, you deal with that. Let’s see how you
like it.

TWISTED MIND, a comedy

(It is a university campus. A man is sitting behind his desk reading what seems to be a magazine. He is in his late 50s with a wide rimmed eye glass. There comes a knock off stage)
Prof Jeje: You may come in if you have something reasonable to say to me.
(A lady enters with a big bag on one arm and a notebook on the other. She has a big dress that seems too big for her and she has a wide tribal mark on each cheek)
Sulia: Good afternoon sir in Jesus name.
Prof Jeje: (looks at the lady with suspicion) same to you.
Sulia: sir, I am here to tell you a little about what…
Prof Jeje: (puts up his hand) when you came in, what did I say?
Sulia: (fidget but smiles) the good things he has done for…
Prof Jeje: (hits table) can you just listen to yourself talk? Was that an answer to the question asked?
Sulia: (smiles deeply) sir, my I have a seat?
Prof Jeje: (looks around) are you talking to me?
Sulia: (pulls out a chair opposite the man) as I was saying…
Prof Jeje: are you with your senses? Do you know where you are?
Sulia: as written in the holy book in revelation…
Prof Jeje: (stands up) ah… I can see that you are on a mission but let me tell you right now that it will not work for you.
Sulia: (opens the bible) …chapter three…
Prof Jeje: (sits down again) which department are you in?
Sulia: (leaves through bible) verse twenty. Its reads, “behold. I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him…
Prof Jeje: (aside) am I dreaming or is she insane?
Sulia: and dine with him, and he with me. If you can use your heart to listen, you will hear all that I am saying. It does not take anything off you but rather it adds to you when you let me into your life…
Prof Jeje: (bangs on table) stop doing that. Who are you?
Sulia: (looks up at the man) did you hear that? He wants to give you a life a real meaning. All he asks is just for you to open your heart to him ad let him take control of it. are you ready for that sir?
Prof Jeje: (smiles) which hospital did you escape from?
Sulia: (smiles with a frown) that is good. Now hold my hands and let us pray. (She stretches out her hands)
Prof Jeje: (stands up and moves away from table) what?!
Sulia: please, stretch out your hand please.
(The professor moves around to stand beside Sulia. He taps her and she turns to look at him)
Sulia: is something wrong sir? It is the devil. It is trying to confuse you to do the opposite. Resist him sir.
Prof Jeje: I will resist you. You are the devil sent here today and you will not succeed. Get out right now.
Sulia: (stretches out her hands again) please sir, I love you and Jesus loves you more. I know you have been through a lot but it is high time you make a different choice.
Prof Jeje: (takes out phone) hello… professor Alabi, is that you... I need you in my office right now… I think I have a mental case that just escaped from the sanitarium here.
Sulia: (smiles) why are you frowning? Who are you calling? Is it your friend? Do you want me to pray with him too? That is so generous of you. This will definitely make a whole new meaning to you, you’ll see. Let’s wait for him before we pray then.
(a knock comes from the door. A man walks in with a frown on his face. Sulia’s face lights up with a big smile)
Sulia: stands) you are welcome sir. I know he has told you about his decision to change his life for the better. I have been telling him that…
Prof Alabi: (looks at Jeje) what is going on? Who is she?
Prof Jeje: I have no idea. She just came in and started this jibber-jabber.
Sulia: so, let’s start. Please hold hands. (Moves towards the men)
Prof Alabi: (moves away) young lady, who are you? Why are you here?
Prof Jeje: that was what I have been asking her and it seems as if I have been talking to a wall.
Sulia: (frowns and looks around) what is going on? Why are you acting like this? Please, resist the devil.
Prof Alabi: (claps hands) yes, Jeje, today is the day that you will account for all your sins.
Prof Jeje: (holds onto Alabi) stop that nonsense.
Prof Alabi: maybe she lost her way.
Prof Jeje: won’t she talk if she did. Doesn’t she recognize who she was coming to see? It is probably Professor Charles.
(a knock on the door and the men runs away from the door. Sulia looks at them and frowns deeper. A man enters. Sulia smiles)
The man: Sister Sulia, I have been looking for you. (He lifts his hands and starts sign language. Sulia nods and smiles at the two professors apologetically.
Sulia: I am so sorry. I am deaf and I can read lips. No wonder you were acting strange. I am supposed to visit Professor Charles of Toxicology, please. I am sorry but then; always know that Jesus loves you. Brother Peter, let’s go.
Prof Jeje: (pulls the man aside) who is she and who are you?
The man: (smiles) I am sorry. I am Peter Alebiosu. We are from friends of the disabled club. Sister Sulia was supposed to visit the other professor. She is partially blind, she only has blurry images. I have to go before she gets lost again. (Exits)
Prof Alabi: (laughs) if I was told that a mere woman will frighten you, I will tell that person to go back to sleep.
Prof Jeje: how was I to know? I thought she was mad. She just kept on and on like a radio.
Prof Alabi: everyone must hear this.
Prof Jeje: (frowns) what is the meaning of that? Do not tell anyone about this or I will tell them of that day you were flogged when mistaken for a thief.
Prof Alabi: (frowns) fine. I won’t tell. Do not call me again for such nonsense. (Exits)
Prof Jeje: (faces the audience) can you imagine the five minutes madness I displayed a while ago. What if the man had not shown up? Oh, poor lady. I almost sent for people to come and take her to the asylum. Well, it is like everyone in this neighborhood seems to have something to hide. Let me follow Alabi and make sure he doesn’t tell anybody. (Exits)
THE END

THE MONEY MATTER, a comedy

(Daniel’s sitting room. The room is in disarray. There are two sofas and a foot stool. He appears to be sleeping. He shifts, and then got up suddenly.)

Daniel: (shouts) bring back my money… (Looks around and wipes his face) so it was
a dream. Na wah o. this is the forth time this week and the man of
God keeps saying that my time is coming. I need to go back and see him.
(Exits)
(A lady enters and sniffs. She looks around and sneezes)
Stella: Jesus. Is there anyone in this house? Why is this place like this?
Where does it say that if you are poor, you should be lazy and dirty?
Daniel! Daniel!!
Daniel: (enters) who is that? Oh Stella, it’s you. How far now?
Stella: (wrinkles nose) why is your house in such a mess?
Daniel: (hisses) my house is in a mess? Why won’t it be in a mess? My life is even
in a bigger mess. Abeg leave me oo.
Stella: (Looks up and down) I am tired of telling you the same thing every time we
meet. You are not just poor but you are also lazy and dirty. Anyway I have
come for that thing.
(Daniel stares at Stella angrily. He hisses and continues adjusting his shirt. There is a knock on the door. He freezes, looks at Stella and pushed her towards the door.)

Stella: Why? You are not serious.
(She sits down. The knock comes harder. Daniel tiptoes to peep through the keyhole. He runs into the bedroom. The door is pushed open. A man and woman enters)

Stella: (stands up) what do you want? Who are you?
Tall man: (frowns) who am i? Who is asking who I am in the house that I use my
mama pension to build 10 years ago.
Stella: (stands up) that does not answer my very simply forwarded question of the
affirmation to your person.
The woman:(screams) which one be all the grammar? This is my papa house, the one he
built with…
Stella: (cuts in) please spare me the jibber jabber on the source of the capital to
build this edifice.
The man: (hits his chest) I am the head of the house.
The woman: (smiles and adjusts her wrapper) he is the chief executive of lamidi and
tawa group of home owners.
Stella: (laughs) I can see that you both have a very minimal level of literacy. What
can I help you with?
The man: (looks around) where is the useless occupant of this place.
Stella: (shakes head) where is who?
The woman: where is Daani?
Stella: (feigns ignorance) where is who?
The man: (angrily) what do you mean by where is who? It’s Daniel.
Stella: oh, you are talking about that idiot. I have been waiting for the man. I am
his cousin. I just got back from the United States. (Sits down again)
The man: (frowns) the united what?
The woman: (looks around suspiciously) you mean to say that man no dey this
house?
Stella: of course he is not. I do not know what is keeping the idiot. I sent him
to go to the bureau de change.
The man: the what? Oh, that place where they change dollars.
Stella: (smiles) duh! Where else? I do not have any naira on me and I need cash so I
sent him to go and change some dollars.
The woman: (looks at the man) what is she talking about?
The man: (smiles and moved closer to Stella) she just come back from America.
Welcome, how the place?
The woman: (taps the man) Ameri-what? And you believe her. Maybe Daniel is
somewhere in this house and she is just helping him to dodge paying.
The man: (frowns) is that true? Are you just lying?
Stella: do I look like I am one for any foul play?
The woman: (hisses) you look like someone that can play all kind of cock play too
if you get the chance with your tolotolo leg like say you no dey chop well.
Stella: (smiles) I do not have time to exchange words with you.
The woman: (hisses) try am now, make I see you.
The man: (stares angrily at the woman) shut up woman.
The woman: (surprise) baami, do you know what you are doing. Anyway, I am going
out to see that iya sukura that owes me money before akada woman go make
me forget too.
The man: (smiles at Stella, waves at the woman) bye-bye. I have to wait for
Daniel to come back. He must give me my money today. And this lady looks
like person wey nice well-well. You are highly welcome to this our
country. (Winks at Stella who frowns)
The woman: (stammers) ehm…ehm…i need transport money.
The man: (turns to woman suddenly) what? Am I the one that is being owed
money? This is where my own debtor is.
The woman; (pulls the man aside) baami, do you want to disgrace me?
The man: (frowns) I do not have time for this. Take this hundred naira and go. Make sure you come back soon.
The woman: (smile and moves to the door) okay. I will be back soon.
Stella: good riddance.
The woman: (hisses and looks back) same to you. I will come back for you and
your boyfriend. (Exits)

KIDS are funny too

A parent decided not to come for the parents/teacher meeting at an elementary school.
The teacher of the son was a funny person that loved to laugh a lot.

The teacher: Dan, where is your mum?
Dan: oh, she is okay. She just said to tell you that she does not have
the stomach to digest your jokes.
The teacher: what does that mean?
Dan: it took her another surgery to fix her tummy tuck when she laughed
at your canoe drown joke the last time. She just did her face lift
and a second joke will leave a permanent scar on her face. Well,
so she said.